Drifting: How Did I End Up Here?
This morning I woke up with a longing to spend time with God. Has that ever happened to you? You get this heavy pull on your heart that you can't shake no matter what you fill your time with. For me, it happens when I haven't spent time with my Heavenly Father.
Lately, I have not been praying. I'm ashamed to say it, but I also feel liberated in my openness and transparency. Honestly, I've been a little frustrated with God. I hate it because it's selfish of me to see life through this lens. The amount of prayers and doors God has opened for my wife and me over the last few months has been tremendous. We've been hitting some lofty goals and it's only by the grace of God. But, the testimonies I could spend hours talking about haven't sufficed for me.
I have been in my current job for over 2 years now, and the job I once labored before God in prayer for is now the job I loath. I'm not trying to be ungrateful here, this is a tough time for many jobless people in the world right now, but I feel strongly that my time here is quickly coming to an end. I believe God has brought me to this point of discomfort in my vocation with purpose and I've been intent on being prepared to leave for about 2 months now.
Here's the frustrating part: God hasn't provided a new job opportunity yet!
An even more difficult part is knowing in my spirit where my next job will be, but receiving ZERO feedback from the organization or God. I've been straight-up angry.
God, where the hell are you?!
I should have been asking where I've been because the answer is distracted.
How in the world can God share anything with me if I'm not asking Him or even taking a moment to listen? It doesn't make sense. I heard in a message recently, "it's hard to know anyone well if you don't spend any time with them." I haven't spent any time with God; I haven't even prayed in awhile. This morning I realized I'd drifted away, unknowingly, completely caught up in my feelings and out of tune with Holy Spirit.
I'm so grateful for conviction. It started on Saturday morning when I woke up. I felt God nudging me.
"Spend time with me. Talk to me. I miss you."
I turned on some worship music as I got ready to head to the gym. I woke up Sunday and felt it again. "Don't turn the game on yet, church online is live right now." Then today was my Monday morning prayer call with my brothers and I just felt joyful to spend time in His presence as we discussed a variety of topics which ultimately led me here:
You may be waiting to hear from God, but I think many times God is waiting on us.
Put down the distractions today. Turn off whatever you need to and just have a conversation with the Lord. It amazes me that the God of the cosmos yearns to spend time with ME! He loves us that much! So much in fact that as my boat began to drift away, God sent gentle waves to push me back home. Today I'm choosing to re-anchor myself to the throne.
If you can relate to this, I hope you'll do the same.